Tactical Advice for New Dads

Having children is one of the great joys of life. It is a profound transformation that permanently alters how you experience the world.

The journey through parenthood is both inherently personal and intensely bonding with your partner. You must find your own path through it, as well as navigate a new journey with your partner.

There is a lot of advice for new parents that can be distilled as "love your child unconditionally". This advice is true but provides little guidance for the countless decisions new parents face.

Here are some practical tips for new dads to help out in the first few months.

Hospital Experience

In the hospital, Mom and baby are the patients. Hospital staff are mostly indifferent to dads. In hindsight this makes sense, but it surprised me the first time through.

Bring an empty folder or notebook to put important paperwork in: temporary birth certificate, discharge instructions, etc.

Bring what you need for comfortable sleep: earplugs, eye mask, pillow. A small wagon for your stuff is helpful because you will have to transition rooms at least twice (maybe more).

Bring enough clothes and supplies for ~72 hours. You don't know how long labor will take or whether Mom will be having a major surgery (C-section) or how long you will have to stay after the birth. Plan accordingly.

Bring a medium-sized cooler with food, both for yourself and Mom. Hospital food is unhealthy and terrible.

Prepare your birth announcement before delivery. Take key pictures, add weight details, press send. Everyone will want updates and you will be focused on your newborn.

Create one source for pictures to share. We used a Google Photos album - saves you from fifty separate 'send me pics!' texts.

All of the grandparents love their Aura frames; one of our best family purchases. New pictures automatically show up there and it's an awesome way for family to stay connected.

Schedule the first pediatrician visit before leaving the hospital; typically 3-5 days after birth.

The hospital days are a blur, but they're also sacred. You are witnessing the birth of your family in real time. Soak it in.

Coming Home

Know how to use your car seat BEFORE going to the hospital. Practice adjusting the straps and taking the seat in and out of the car. You do not want to be doing this the first time with your newborn in the seat.

The car ride home from the hospital is terrifying in a way that is hard for non-parents to understand. You may want to follow your parents' car or similar escort. Plan for safe transportation.

Home Setup

Get your home environment set up as much as you can before the birth. Get a crib and a nursing chair. We really enjoyed having a bed in the nursery where an adult can sleep.

Set up a dedicated nursing station with everything within arm's reach: water, snacks, phone charger, burp cloths, diaper supplies, etc.

Use red lights in the nursery. Red light doesn't disrupt melatonin production so the baby and Mom can sleep. Something like this with a flexible neck is helpful for nighttime diaper changes.

Newborns constantly emit liquids: buy a box of puppy pads and plenty of soft towels. You will want burp cloths like these and larger towels like these. Anything "muslin" is good.

Towels are easier to clean than sheets.

Place a puppy pad under the baby on top of a towel during diaper changes and lounging. The puppy pad changes "I need to wash the sheets again" into "minor inconvenience".

Poop on a onesie? Rinse with hot water, put in the sun to dry, then wash normally. The stain vanishes - no harsh chemicals needed.

Run the washing machine daily. One load per day is easier than letting laundry accumulate.

Everyone's home situation is different and you will figure out what you need. Don't be afraid of changes; make your life as easy as it can be.

Supporting Mom

Focus on helping Mom. Ensure she gets food, water (important for breast milk production), and a comfortable environment. Her hands are busy with baby, your hands should be busy helping her.

Remember that Mom is healing from a major physical event. Help with movement, medication tracking, and monitor for excessive bleeding or fever.

Put protein bars and bottled water near the nursing chair. Remove trash, keep clean towels stacked, etc. Make it easy for her.

One well-rested parent is more helpful than two exhausted ones. When it's your turn to rest, make it count: separate room, eye mask, earplugs, white noise, etc. Quality sleep for you means better support for Mom.

Getting baby to take a bottle lets you take shifts and allows Mom to sleep. Highly recommended for both you and Mom.

Watch for signs of postpartum depression (it affects ~15% of new mothers) and act if needed. Baby thrives if Mom thrives.

Diaper Bag

We found a normal backpack is more convenient than a purpose-built "diaper bag." We use a rugged, easy-to-spot backpack with lots of pockets as our main diaper bag.

For breastmilk we use a small lunch cooler with an ice pack.

Then we have a fanny pack with essentials: diapers, wipes, butt stuff. Leave the main bag in the car, bring the smaller bag inside.

The best butt stuff is Aquaphor and Boudreaux's Butt Paste (both useful). Use small tubes for the diaper bag.

These little waterproof mesh bags are great for the diaper bag because you can see what's inside them.

Keep a few empty gallon Ziploc bags in the main bag for blow-outs and soiled clothes. This small trick has saved us many times.

Always keep an extra baby outfit and at least one towel in the diaper bag. Microfiber towels pack easily.

Baby Items

Lots of stuff is marketed as "for babies" that you don't really need. Be skeptical of single-purpose devices targeted at new parents.

Skip these unnecessary items: wipe warmers, bottle sterilizers, and most "smart" baby monitors. Focus on quality basics instead.

You don't need a bottle warmer if you own a sous vide machine. Set to 100°F and put a weight on the bottle to prevent floating.

I like our Diaper Genie, but taking the trash out every day also works.

For especially gross diapers, put in a twist-tie storage bag and tie a knot around the top. You're welcome.

Don't overbuy clothes for any size: babies grow rapidly. 5-6 pieces per size is usually enough. When in doubt, buy the next size up. Used baby clothes are plentiful and inexpensive.

Only snaps and zippers on onesies (no buttons). Having two zippers on the main opening may seem excessive, but it is actually quite helpful.

Avoid "baby containers" like swings, seats, rockers, etc. Babies need a flat, solid surface for proper motor development. Look into tummy time.

Our species managed to survive for many thousands of years before the baby section at Target existed. You need less than you think.

When Baby Cries

When your baby is crying, it will feel like a primal alarm bell ringing in your nervous system. Relax and realize that crying is the baby's only way to communicate. Be a calm presence in tense moments.

When baby cries, check these (roughly in order of frequency):

hunger
burp/gas/poop
needs to be held
diaper change
tired
startle response (usually obvious)

You can cycle through them and repeat. Sometimes it is a combination of these.

Trust Mom's instincts on what baby needs. She is physically and emotionally connected to the baby in a deep way.

Emma Hubbard has good videos on newborns:

Baby Sleep

Babies sleep best in a quiet, dark room. Just because they can sleep anywhere doesn't mean it's optimal.

Contact naps are normal, encouraged, and sweet. But eventually baby needs to sleep independently.

Some babies run cooler than others. If baby will only sleep on you, they might just be seeking warmth. Try sleep sacks with different TOG ratings (Thermal Overall Grade).

This is my favorite white noise machine for a room.

We really enjoyed the shusher, despite being a single-purpose device.

A good rule of thumb for Mom and Dad is "sleep when the baby sleeps".

I strongly recommend starting sleep training as early as possible (~5 months). This sets up baby for success (good sleep is crucial for development) and improves your quality of life dramatically.

Baby Health Essentials

Anyone who will be in close contact with baby in the first 6 months needs a recent Tdap shot. It is appropriate to ask friends and family to do this before they see your child.

Keep a digital thermometer and infant acetaminophen (Tylenol) in your medicine cabinet.

Know when to call the doctor: fever above 100°F, refusing multiple feedings, or excessive lethargy. Trust Mom's instincts here.

Baby's skin is sensitive. Change wet diapers quickly to avoid diaper rash on a delicate area. Be gentle with wipes.

There are times when Windi the Gaspasser is exactly what baby needs 💩

Become Dad

Don't be afraid to cancel or reschedule social visits if necessary. Your family comes first now; everyone will understand.

Find a trusted mentor for parenting who you can call 24/7 if needed. This can be a parent, older sibling, neighbor, etc. The dads in your life are willing to help; just ask them.

Money can solve some problems, but time and emotional energy are your true currency. Prioritize supporting mom and spending time with your baby. You are not going to get this time back.

Do not neglect self-care fundamentals: exercise, healthy eating, and mental health. Machines run best with regular maintenance.

Create a daily ritual that you can do with baby to help bonding. This can be feeding from a bottle, singing a special song, or as simple as holding them at a specific time.

Mom's body and mind are adjusting to unprecedented demands. Baby only knows the basic needs of staying alive. Both of them need you to be a strong, stable force in their life. It's time to become the best version of yourself that you can. It's time to become Dad.

Final Thoughts

Some moments will feel endless. The first week will be the longest month of your life. But it all passes quickly. Even stressful parts become fond memories.

You will find your rhythm with your partner. You're entering a sweet season of life. Don't forget to enjoy it.

Anyone can have a child, but you must choose to be a father.

You are going to be an amazing Dad. Welcome to the club.